Tag: Leaving the Message

The Rapture of Fear

The Bitter Belly13 Comments

“If there is only one person that makes it into the rapture, you believe you will be that one.”

I sat with wide eyes as a child listening to that statement.  I squirmed in my chair looking around to count all the spiritual people that would make it before me.  How could the minister not make it?  His wife certainly would have to, and surely the song leader and the deacon.  It was going to be such a small number, how would there ever be enough room for me?

Nightmares of coming home to an empty house with no mommy or daddy met me night after night.  Vivid images of hideous beasts and demons haunted me.  The sermons of concentration camps and the terrors of the tribulation made their way into my little thoughts as I drifted off to sleep.

Tribulation.  Hell on earth.  The bride was to be such a small number.  Brother Branham always seemed to emphasize the number eight, just like Noah’s ark.  I began to count again: Brother Billy Paul, Brother Joseph, Brother Billy’s wife, Brother Joseph’s wife, their kids… I ran out of fingers.  Confused, I wondered just how many would be in the rapture.  Surely all of Brother Branham’s family, after all he said anyone who loved him would be there.  I began to reason that perhaps because they were family, I didn’t have to count them.  I started over: Brother Byskal, Brother Green, Brother Reagan, my pastor, the song leader… I ran out of fingers again.

I thought about Brother Branham’s horse and his green chair.  His dog was there.  Surely, just surely I could go too.  Night after night the nightmares came finally sending me crying to my parent’s room where my dad led me to the Lord at the very tender age of six.  I didn’t want to miss it.  I didn’t want my mommy and my daddy to leave me behind.

This was the beginning of fear.  Once I voiced this fear aloud and was told that the fear of the Lord was the beginning of wisdom.  This taught me that fear was okay.  It was normal to be afraid.  My nightmares followed me to into my adult life.  They changed from coming home to an empty house with no family, to my children being taken away from me and me being placed in a prison for not denying my faith.  I would wake up scared, everything was so vivid and real, often I rose to check on my babies and pause to listen to their steady breathing.  They were so peaceful and so unaware, just as it should be.

The Bible tells us “Do not fear” and “Do not be afraid” at least 365 times.

As a child I was taught demons were real, when someone was prayed for you were to bow your head so the demon did not jump on you.  I was told about the mark of the beast, the great tribulation, and the many imagined things that it would bring.  No food, prison camps, torture, be-headings, giant bugs eating women who cut their hair, numerous details I really don’t care to remember.  I was taught fear.

With this fear was the act of conforming and obedience to all that was said to be right.  You wanted to do what was right, what did the prophet say about that?  Quotes; they were beloved, spoken like scripture, recited, and ingrained in your mind from childhood.

“If there’s just going to go, be one, that’ll be me (Amen.), ’cause I believe.” See? That’s the way you want to believe it. “Be me.” 63-0320

Yes indeed, if there was only going to be one, you believe you will be that one. How?  How could you possibly make it with all of these spiritual ministers and people around you?  There wasn’t enough room; the number was just too small.  Doubt always lingered, and the plans of survival set in.  As a small child I kept a backpack in my closet with plans of escape. Looking back on that, it makes me sad.  No child should have to live in that fear.

There was always a statement that I held onto:

Just then, a voice spoke and said, “All that you ever loved, and all that ever loved you, God has given to you. We’re all here together.” Oh, my, my heart just melted within me. “All that you ever loved, and all that ever loved you, is gathered here with you to meet God.” 60-0608

That’s it? I just have to love Brother Branham and I’ll be there?  I love Brother Branham, I can do that.  I think perhaps this is the beginning of my veil between me and Christ.  I can remember prayers where I said something like, “Lord I believe, your prophet Brother Branham said…”  Why on this earth would God send His only Son to die in our stead to be the ONLY mediator between God and man for us to be sent a “prophet” to take his words and rely upon them above Jesus’? As though Jesus was not enough?

The elitism, the attitude that I was special; I was “one of them”…. I had a prophet.  How privileged I was to be called to the message, to know God sent a prophet in my day.  After all, it wasn’t for everyone, but it was for me.  This attempted to silence my doubts.

“If only one makes it, you believe you will be that one.”

I thought of all the people I would leave behind.  I was told not to worry about that, that it was just to build my faith.

Reflecting on these teachings from my childhood, I hesitate to share them.  I don’t want to hurt my parents or the people I grew up with.  I don’t think these are thoughts they intended me to have.  I honestly don’t think they even knew I had them.  I think had they known, they would have reassured me and done everything they could to relieve me of those fears.  If you can take anything away from me sharing this portion, perhaps you can relate, perhaps you cannot, but can you ask yourself, “What did the children grow up hearing?”  Children are so impressionable, what are they hearing?

Brother Branham said Noah was supposedly a ‘type’ of the bride that went in the ark.  In another ‘type’ Enoch was the bride and Noah and his family went through the tribulation.  This never made sense to me.  In my study, I’ve thought about Noah preaching to the people telling them what was coming.  They didn’t believe him.  They ignored him.  Many probably thought he was crazy and steered clear of even crossing paths with him.  I thought about Noah and his family walking into the ark and looking outside one last time to invite the people to come in.  Perhaps his sons pulled at his sleeve and said, “It will be okay Dad, just come in and sit down.” Noah didn’t shut the door.  I don’t think he could have.  Not because it was heavy or cumbersome, I think as he looked out on his family, friends, and neighbors, the people he had known all his life, grew up with, went to school with, worked with them, he knew them… how could he close the door on them?  Do you think that perhaps just maybe he wanted to drag them in by the hair of their head, bind them, and gag them until it was all over?

Or do you see him clinking glasses with Ham, Shem, and Japheth; “It was for us, it wasn’t for them anyway. Look! There goes another one!”

I imagine after the door shut they sat in silence with tears streaming down their faces listening to the cries of the people being washed away.  They sat there helpless.  Mothers with babies were washed away, small children, their family.  You realize Noah had in-laws.  His son’s wives had family. They left people behind.  They went into the ark full well knowing they would never see them again.

“If there is only one…”

I can’t help but see children running around in a circle playing musical chairs.  Too many children and not enough chairs.  The music keeps playing and the children eye the chair.  They are not about to give up that chair.  I’ve decided to walk away before the music stops playing.  More than I want the chair, more than I want the prize at the end, I want someone else to have the chair.  I want someone else to have the prize.

As I walked away the fear that had haunted me my entire life evaporated.  I no longer wanted to “escape”.  If there is a rapture, and I could offer my place to someone else, I would.  If there is a rapture, whether I go or stay no longer matters.

The “bride” so full of faith and the word was to leave the weak to die for their own testimony.  This baffles me. The word says there is just ONE body.  If the “bride” leaves how can the body be divided?  Will we take the hand and leave the foot?  Or are we actually saying those who aren’t bride aren’t His at all?

Further, if there is one way to heaven and that is through the blood of Jesus, why do these people need to seal their testimony with their own blood?  The ‘Book of the Revelation of Jesus Christ’ clearly says they were washed in the blood of the Lamb and given white robes.

No, I don’t understand this.  I don’t understand how I can leave one of His behind to fight just when the battle gets worse.  I can’t. I will be with them, I will encourage them.  I will tell them they are not alone, they are loved, and that He loves them.  We will fight unto the end together.  But I will not wait until the end to do so, I will tell them now.

The fear has left. In its place is a love I have never felt before; a love for all people and all creation.  I no longer see myself separate and apart from them.  No longer do I wish to be taken away from it all.  I feel like Abraham, “If there be one more Lord?  Can I help just one more?”

Every kindred. Every tongue. Every Nation.  His creation. His people.  Who are we to divide and say “It wasn’t for you.”

God said it was.

The rapture of fear has taken place. Do not fear.  Do not be afraid.  He is our rock, He is our portion, and He is our strength, our hope, our refuge.  He is everything.

“What, then, shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, what can stand against us?”  -Romans 8:31

“Don’t call everything a conspiracy, like they do, and don’t live in dread of what frightens them.” – Isaiah 8

Isaiah 43
But now, O Jacob, listen to the LORD who created you.
O Israel, the one who formed you says,
“Do not be afraid, for I have ransomed you.
I have called you by name; you are mine.
When you go through deep waters,
I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty,
you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression,
you will not be burned up;
the flames will not consume you.
For I am the LORD, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.

Another Gospel

The Bitter Belly9 Comments

wmbbible

I sit here staring at a very full bookcase. It is neatly lined with large red volumes stamped with golden logos of eagles.  A second and third shelf are filled with yet another set of dark leather bound volumes that took years to collect.  There are multiple copies of several paper bound books and rows of media as well.

I can remember two tape libraries over the years.  The first set was brown, and the last set was grey.  Before they finished the grey set, compact discs became available.  Next, there were MP3s and DVDs.

I now own “The Table”, complete with both formats which replaced my “Ebook player” and other software formats.  I have purchased “Stories” and Owen Jorgenson’s series.  They all fill multiple rows of shelving and now sit, gathering dust.  Occasionally they are pulled out for reference, but not very often.

When something from the “message” came out, I made certain to buy it.   I’ve ordered things from Cloverdale, Tuscon, VOGR, BC Fellowship, and others.  Upgrades, new found sermons, booklets of quotes, photo books, devotionals, story books for kids, anything that came available, to support the ministry.

Mentally adding up the amount of money spent, paying royalty fees again and again over the years for the exact same sermons, I can’t help but feel a little empty inside.  It wasn’t something I had considered before, it was just the appropriate thing to do at the time.  I half smile remembering the long lines Easter weekend at the VOGR waiting to purchase more items.  It was always a treat bumping into someone I knew to say hello.

I’ve been pondering on these things for a while.  My heart has been heavy with regret. In one way,  I always considered purchasing all of these various items a way to help support the ministry.  But now, when I think about it, I know… that just isn’t the sum of it.

Over the last few weeks I’ve encountered circumstances that have stirred me and challenged me to reconsider missions and what missions were for.

I’ve began to ask myself just what the Gospel was.  What does it mean to spread the Good News?  Missions before were shipping tape libraries and books.  Translating the message into the next language, watching slide shows of believers somewhere far away.  Missions were for message outreach.  Didn’t we feel the excitement knowing we could now hear the voice of the prophet in even the remotest of jungles?

As a youth, I volunteered at the VOGR to help package books.  I felt privileged to be a part of spreading the “good news.”  When I toured the VOGR and saw the thousands of books printed in multiple languages, it was exciting to see what God was doing.  This was the “Message of the Hour” and God was calling out a bride across the world.  The call was sent out, “Come out of her My people and into the Message of the Hour.”

The “Good News”.

The “Gospel.”

“And the angel said to them, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.” – Luke 2:10

“Soon afterward he went on through cities and villages, proclaiming and bringing the good news of the kingdom of God.” – Luke 8:1

“And we bring you the good news that what God promised to the fathers, this he has fulfilled to us their children by raising Jesus, as also it is written in the second Psalm,

“‘You are my Son, today I have begotten you.’

And as for the fact that he raised him from the dead, no more to return to corruption, he has spoken in this way,

“‘I will give you the holy and sure blessings of David.’

Therefore he says also in another psalm,

“‘You will not let your Holy One see corruption.’

For David, after he had served the purpose of God in his own generation, fell asleep and was laid with his fathers and saw corruption, but he whom God raised up did not see corruption. Let it be known to you therefore, brothers, that through this man forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you, and by him everyone who believes is freed from everything from which you could not be freed by the law of Moses. Beware, therefore, lest what is said in the Prophets should come about:

‘Look, you scoffers, be astounded and perish; for I am doing a work in your days, a work that you will not believe, even if one tells it to you.”

For so the Lord has commanded us, saying, “I have made you a light for the Gentiles, that you may bring salvation to the ends of the earth.” – Acts 13

I am asking myself, when did the Gospel become so complicated?  We used to go and spread the good news mouth to ear.  God found it fitting for the Bible to make its way from a printing press and into the hands of His people.  Today it is printed in over 2,530 languages.

The message of William Branham has managed to take the simplicity of the Bible (one book, the written inspired word of God) and add over 1200 sermons, multiple books, and various other “products.”  Prior to MP3’s the cost of shipping the tape and book libraries was phenomenal.

People were poor, hungry, sick, and without clean water.  People lived in trash dumps scavenging for things to sell to buy food to eat.  Children are orphaned as infants when their parents died of HIV.  Here in our own communities, there are poor and needy.  We have homeless and widows.  Yet, we feel that spreading the “good news” was placing a message book in their poor and empty hands.  Excitedly, we asked them, “Do you know God sent a prophet?”

Life stories of the prophet, photographs, videos of his hometown are printed and sold all over the world.  One man’s sermons gives the Bible a back seat, pushes Jesus to the side, and preaches a different gospel.  These 1200 sermons are the focus of the message believing community for spreading the gospel. 

A different gospel is a strong statement to make, when most message believers claim William Branham pointed you to Jesus.  Branham.org indeed points you to a man, but it is not Jesus Christ.  The photo at the top of this post, is the photo they have inserted into the Bible, commemorating the 100 year anniversary of William Branham’s birth.  They are dedicated in spreading the news of a prophet.  Jesus wasn’t enough for them.

These 1200 sermons point you to a prophet, they tell you to look for another Elijah.  They tell you the word is incomplete and a prophet must come and divinely interpret the Bible for you. These 1200 sermons and their author have became another veil between God and His people.  They supply you with the voice of a man with quotes to lead you and guide you in your every decision.  This takes away the very purpose and intent of the New Covenant.

Without these 1200 sermons, you have an incomplete, un-restored word.  The idea, that you need more than the Bible, the teaching that the word needs to be “restored” is heretical. What part of “it is finished” did Jesus not mean?

“For there is one God, and there is one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus”  – 1 Timothy 2:5

The Bible says it is of no private interpretation, it tells us we are not to add to it or take away from it.  Most Christians hold this Bible to be the written inspired word of God. They hold it to be their standard and their absolute.

Message believers have replaced this absolute with the books and tapes of these 1200 sermons.  They search it, quote it, and live by it.  Should you bring something William Branham said to them that is not found within the Bible, or disagrees with the Bible, it makes no difference.  “He said it, they believe it, and that settles it.”

What is the good news?

It never changed. It never got any more complicated, Jesus Christ is still the same yesterday today and forever.  His word never changed.  There is no need to insert 1200 sermons, splice verses, or interpret the word to say something it does not.

God’s word says what it says and we say Amen.

Our traditions have bound us into the walls of a building, the confines of a select group of people, neglecting two words: The Gospel.

“And he said to them, “Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation. Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned.” – Mark 16

The gospel is not 1200 sermons, another Elijah, the seals, or mysteries and secrets.  Jesus said, there was nothing in secret.  It was for children who would learn.  Children. The same children that sat on his knee, and He said suffer to bring them to me.  Why?  Because, it’s simple, it is love.

““For God so loved the WORLD, that he gave his only Son, that WHOEVER believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” – John 3:16

Upon leaving the message, I have been told “It just wasn’t for me”.  They told me, “It isn’t for everyone.”  What message are we spreading?

My Bible tells me it is for everyone.  The whole world, all of creation, every creature, every tongue and nation.

They want you to believe they are another book of Acts.  They drive fancy expensive cars, live in beautiful homes, and stand behind a pulpit with expensive suits.  They swap pulpits and go on vacations.  They set a higher standard that every member of the congregation strives to achieve.

“And with great power the apostles were giving testimony to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and abundant grace was upon them all. For there was not a needy person among them, for all who were owners of land or houses would sell them and bring the proceeds of the sales and lay them at the apostles’ feet, and they would be distributed to each as any had need.” – Acts 4

Where are the poor, the desolate, the orphans, the widows, the hungry?  They are being cared for by those harlot denominational churches.  The ones we have been told Jesus is standing and knocking at the door trying to get in to.

“For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.’

“Then these righteous ones will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink? Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing? When did we ever see you sick or in prison and visit you?’

“And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’ – Matthew 25

We sat with our bellies full, spiritual gluttons claiming to be the body of Christ.  Our hands have fed only ourselves and lined the pockets of wolves in sheep’s clothing.  We confined our giving to a box, a box that God does not fit inside of.

We drive past the homeless and the hungry.  When disaster strikes our thoughts are to the message believers only.  We cast off all of the other life that God has breathed into to say, it is only “birth pains” judgment upon them.  Where is our charity, the love that is the greatest of faith and hope?

God commanded us to love our neighbor as our self.  I highly doubt we even know their name.  You cannot close your eyes and pretend not to see the hurting.  When you are a new creature in Christ, saved by grace through faith, you cannot place it in a box for safe keeping.  You must pour it out and empty it, so He can fill you up again.

“And he will answer, ‘I tell you the truth, when you refused to help the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were refusing to help me.”

When was the last time that your message pastor encouraged you to volunteer at a homeless shelter, food bank, or other local outreach?  When has the leadership in your message church stood shoulder to shoulder with other Christians in your local area to bring relief to orphans and widows, or those affected by natural disasters?  When you sponsored tape libraries, did you also sponsor programs to bring clean water, food, and other basic services to believers AND unbelievers living in poverty?  Are we really living out the great commission and writing a new book of Acts?

“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.

So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” – 1 Corinthians 13

Deuteronomy 22:5

The Bitter Belly3 Comments

 “A woman shall not wear man’s clothing, nor shall a man put on a woman’s clothing; for whoever does these things is an abomination to the LORD your God.”  – Deuteronomy 22:5

This scripture appears to be a hot topic these days.  Over the last few weeks I’ve seen links and comments posted all over Facebook concerning the outward appearance of the woman. I’m slightly amused that a woman’s clothing can consume so much attention without even the slightest mention of the man’s attire.  More so, I’m amazed that only the first half of the verse is discussed.

Snippets of sermons have made their way around quoting those boldly claiming a woman who would wear pants won’t make the rapture.  That is quite a statement.

Up until a few months ago, I had never worn pants in my life, unless you count pajamas.  I must confess, the comfort of my pjs is well loved, especially in the winter.  I find them convenient because they do not tangle up around you in the night.   Perhaps I should also confess I once wore my beloved flannel pajama bottoms outside under my coat to shovel the driveway.

Will I miss the rapture for wearing my flannel pink polka dotted pajamas?

I have heard ministers preach women should not wear pajamas.  I’ve even heard ministers say they would rather their wife freeze than let her use their coat, because it was a man’s garment.  They held the extreme view that women aren’t to wear denim, have zippers, wear tee-shirts, or tennis shoes.  No, for them pajamas were not an option.

I read a commentary on this scripture recently which said this famous verse in Deuteronomy 22 was referring not to a woman in pants, but to a woman dressing in armor.  What will we do with Joan of Arc?  With the interpretation concerning armor, if a woman should not bear arms, perhaps a man should not…. carry a purse?  Use a mixer?

We neglect to remember the Bible was written for every creature, tongue, and nation; prior to western civilization.  Other cultures should be taken into consideration.  The samfoo and panjabi suit are traditional modest garments worn by women which most westerners would consider a pant-like garment.  The Scots wear a kilt, Bhutan men wear a gho, and Fijian men wear a pocket sulu; all of which very much resemble a skirt.

According to common message thinking; women are not to wear pants and men are not to wear skirts.  Those outside of the western civilization may find this troubling.

If you wish to go that route, what will you do with Jesus and His disciples?  Moses wrote the law and I assure you, he was not wearing ‘wranglers’.

Why is it, in all of these sermons and conversations do they only focus on the women?   The verse has more than one part.  It is written for the men as well as the women.  

If women are not to wear pants simply because this verse says a man’s garment, then men are not to wear skirts or dresses.  This poses a problem when we consider the change of fashion over time.  This verse was written thousands of years ago, prior to Levis and Dungarees.

I’d like to see the ministers today trade their suits and ties in for a nice robe like Moses wore when this law was written.  That ought to be interesting

The topic of garments and modesty has gone out the window, attempting to determine salvation based on the outward appearance, when God clearly told us, He looks on the heart.  Truly we are naked before Him; there is nothing we can do to make ourselves worthy.  We are found clothed in our own self-righteousness, a Pharisee of the Pharisees.

Why on this Earth did Jesus send us the Comforter to lead us and guide us into all truth when we have such God fearing ministers but a phone call or text away, ready to give us the thumbs up or “Like”?  With each and every fashion trend, they stand ready at the pulpit to give their opinion.

People are and always will be influenced by trends and society or culture in one way or another.  Today we are greatly influenced by convenience and practicality.  A woman no longer runs to the store in heels and white gloves.  Men hardly ever wear suits and ties to work anymore.  If you think we are not to be influenced by society at all, then perhaps you should convert to Amish.

I feel like I have spent my entire life dressing for the approval of others.  I had a standard placed before me and that was my guideline.  I can remember keeping what minister so-and-so said in mind while out shopping.  I also remember heels being okay at one church, but when visiting another church, flats were appropriate.  This church believed straight skirts were wrong, another felt you needed long sleeves.  Sisters ran around with safety pins chasing the splits revealing calves.  I dressed as expected and I never questioned it…. until a few months ago.

When I left “the message” I wiped the slate clean and started over with everything.   Yes, I did go back and ask why I dressed the way I did.  Was it simply because I was raised that way and I complied, or did I genuinely feel convicted to do so?

This has been a difficult task for me.  I feel very strongly about modesty.  I feel a female shouldn’t just be a woman but she should be a lady.  This reflects in her attire, her actions, her speech, it’s everything about her.  Modesty is the demeanor that suggests a man stop to open the door, step to the side, and watch his language.  This is not done simply by wearing a skirt or deciding not to wear pants.

Modesty is a very controversial topic indeed.  Perhaps it is not modesty up for discussion after all, but rather the opinions and ideas of the scripture interpreted by men judging men. Opinion has replaced the leading of the Spirit in the heart of the individual, laying law and removing grace.

I have made my decision to pray about my clothing, consider the occasion, and talk it over with my husband.  If this offends someone, I’m not certain what to tell them.  I do take comfort in knowing, they do not make the call for who will, and who will not, make the rapture.  If it is between six and nine, I’ll more than likely be in my pajamas anyway.

Apostate

The Bitter Belly7 Comments

“For it is impossible, in the case of those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, and have shared in the Holy Spirit, and have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the age to come, and then have fallen away, to restore them again to repentance, since they are crucifying once again the Son of God to their own harm and holding him up to contempt.”  – Hebrews 6:4-6

When something you have believed with all of your heart, that has shaped your life and affected your every decision suddenly disintegrates, you are left with empty hands and a wounded heart.  You feel completely lost.

The message was all I had ever known.  It felt like my world had turned upside down.  I was devastated.  I can honestly say there is not a day that goes by that I do not hope something will miraculously put all of the pieces back together.

Contrary to the popular assumption, I did not leave because it was too hard.  I didn’t leave so I could change my standards or make new friends.  I left because I could not take what I had been taught back to the Bible.

Perhaps one of the hardest things I faced was the judgment of those I left behind.   I knew I would loose friends.  I knew it would hurt my family.  I even had somewhat of an idea of the gossip I would face.  Somehow though, no matter how much I braced myself, it just wasn’t enough.

Telling your family you no longer believe William Branham to be a prophet is like slapping them in the face.  It hurts beyond any words I could try to say.  I love and respect my family.  I didn’t want to tell them, but a day came when I no longer had a choice.

You cannot prepare for such times.  You can play it out over and over in your head and yet I promise you, it’s never like you anticipated.  The heaviness of heart lingers even still.  I do thank the Lord He was with me, and provided me the words to say.  However, no matter how settled you are in your thinking and your stand, there is just no easy way about it.  From that point on, things will never be the same again.

I’ve had confident friends shrug off my questions with, “Why doubt?”  Is it doubting to want to understand what you believe?  Is it doubting to think the Bible is your absolute and what you are taught should line up with it?

It hurts to loose friends.  I ache when I think of the hurt and shame I cause my family.  I want them to be proud of me, I’ve always aimed to please.  Rejecting the teachings they raised me under was far from pleasing.  It was the deepest kind of heartache and shame, and I had caused it.

It would seem so simple to ignore discrepancies.  It would be so much easier to pretend nothing had changed, everything would remain the same.  My family would be happy and I would still have my circle of friends.

However, I chose the Bible over the words of a man.  In doing so a line was drawn.  My family, friends, and everything I had ever known was on one side of the line, but God was on the other.  Never in my life had I envisioned my family apart from God.  Tears spilled down my cheeks and my body shook in pain.

Please dear Lord, please don’t separate me from my family.  That is when I found Matthew chapter ten.  I read it over and over knowing I was being tested.

The moment you cross that line all other doors are shut and locked and there is but one way to go.  I would forsake all else for my Jesus.  Without Him, I had nothing, I was nothing.

I have been told I am an apostate.  You know, I had to look that word up to be certain of what it meant.  It means you forsake your faith.  I’d like to clarify that.  My faith is in God.  He is my source of strength.  He is my rock and my deliverer.  Without Him I would not be.

I may not have been able to take all of the message teachings back to the Bible.  It is true that I was stripped down to my foundation.  Everything I thought I knew was gone and I had nothing left.  But my foundation wasn’t the message.  My foundation was my Creator, my Savior, my Redeemer, and my Friend.

You can take away the prophet, you can have his message.  But you cannot take away my Jesus.  Don’t you dare try to tell me He left me.  He promised, He would never leave me or forsake me.

And He hasn’t.

I left the message because I believe I am choosing Truth, I believe I am honoring the Word of God and allowing Him to lead me as He promised to do.  I left the message because I didn’t want anyone or anything between me and my Lord.  He ripped the veil once and that is the way it should remain.

I will not lean upon the words of a man, I will not rest in the confidence of a ministry.  I do not look for comforting words from a prophet.  When I get to heaven and I go before my Lord, it will be just me and Him.  I might as well start now.

Forsaking the teachings of the message does not make me an apostate.  Faith in the message does not save you.  Faith in Jesus Christ…. that saves you.

I’m not an apostate.  I am a Christian.