Author: The Bitter Belly

It is Impossible for God to Lie

The Bitter Belly9 Comments

So God has given both his promise and his oath. These two things are unchangeable because it is impossible for God to lie.   – Hebrews 6:18

The Bible said a tongue is sharper than a two edged sword.  Words hurt and cause much damage.  Words are hard to forget.  They leave an impression upon you in their attempt to sway you and influence you.  There are words of affirmation.  They will build you up and lift your spirits.  Words can be spoken in love.  Love is patient, kind, and gentle.  Then there are words that hurt you.  They oppress you and surround you with the darkness of a lie.  They will attempt to defeat you, and never allow you to know the light of grace and mercy.  They hide the truth from you, separating you from light, they weaken your faith.

Light will drive darkness away.  The Bible tells us His word is a light unto our path.  Faith comes by hearing the word of God.  In Him is life and that life is the light of men.  There is love, mercy, and grace.  These are not found in darkness.

“For we cannot oppose the truth, but must always stand for the truth.”  – 2 Corinthians 13

So all this here pretty and beauty stuff, that comes from the devil.  65-0221

 “It is impossible for God to lie.”

By her beauty and her sex control, her shape that was given to her by Satan.  65-0221

 “It is impossible for God to lie.”

She is a perversion of the original creation.  65-0221

 “It is impossible for God to lie.”

Only a piece, scrap, made of a man, to deceive him by; God made it, right here has proved it. That’s what she was made for.  65-0221

 “It is impossible for God to lie.”

Every sin that ever was on the earth was caused by a woman. 65-0221

 “It is impossible for God to lie.”

So all this here pretty and beauty stuff, that comes from the devil. That’s exactly right.  54-0620

 “It is impossible for God to lie.”

But beauty is one of the most deceitful things there is.  57-1006

 “It is impossible for God to lie.”

There is nothing designed to be so deceitful, as a woman that’s deceitful.  57-1006

 “It is impossible for God to lie.”

Look at the stars and their brilliance.  Listen to the ocean waves clap their hands.  Remember the hues of crisp autumn leaves, snow capped mountain peaks, watch a glowing sunrise and sunset.  Look at the leopard’s spots, a tiger’s stripes, and all of the exquisite patterns and designs of His animals.  They not only look different, they sound different, each given a unique sound all their own.

There are thousands of species of delicate flowers, their fragrances unique.  The brilliant variety of tropical fish, the living coral of the deep ocean, the beautiful shells washed up on a beach.  Now, think of the tiniest micro-organism, a machine man cannot duplicate.

Each fingerprint and snowflake different, not one is the same.  See the peacock’s feathers, the iridescent wings of an insect, the brilliant colors of all creation in its variety and complex design; came from a Creator.  Each and every piece of creation was imagined, hand painted, and given life by God.  This intricate design of creation, it’s so vast and wonderful, our human minds are too inadequate to take it in.

Now tell me the woman was not a part of God’s plan.  Tell me she was an afterthought.  Tell me God made her from scraps.  Tell me Satan designed her beauty. Tell me Mary was just an incubator.  Tell me in the beginning God didn’t know man would need to be redeemed, and He would use the womb of His creation to carry the Christ child born of a virgin.  The womb was there all along; it was CREATED to hold the developing child so fearfully and wonderfully made.

Mary, a woman, carried the baby Jesus.  She birthed Him, she nursed Him, wiped His tears, and held Him in her arms.  Mary! A woman!  So low she was only created for sex?  Was she just a byproduct?  My God knew all the while, He knew Mary from the beginning, He called her by name.

 “It is impossible for God to lie.”

Her womb carried my SAVIOR! Tell me God didn’t plan that, it was just happenstance.  No!

 “It is impossible for God to lie.”

I think of all the discrepancies in the message, things that I have tried to pass off as humanity.  The nurse’s name, when Hope died, how his father died, three different birth dates, when was he commissioned?  Was there a cloud?  Was he standing under it?  Did 16 men lose their lives on a bridge?

His stories changed every single time.  I wanted to say they were not lies, he was bad with dates, he was mistaken.  He was human, he made mistakes.  Mistakes yes, telling untruths, exaggerations, misconceptions, or lies without correcting them?  No.

“For we know, brothers loved by God, that he has chosen you, because our gospel came to you not only in word, but also in power and in the Holy Spirit and with full conviction.”  – 1 Thessalonians 1

Conviction.  Conviction tells me when I have done something wrong.  Conviction tells me I need to make it right.

Did God truly use him as a mouthpiece to my generation, to interpret the Word for me?  Did God use his voice to tell me I was low, a byproduct made from scraps to do nothing but deceive?

God created the woman, and as a woman you were in His mind from the beginning.  From the beginning God knew He would create man, man would fall, and man would need a Savior.  From the beginning God knew you, you were in Him, and He loved you.

“….even as he chose us in him before the foundation of the world”  – Ephesians 1

He knows my name.  He sent His only Son to die for all creation.  He has a plan for my life.  I am not separated from the rest of creation.  Jesus loved me, He died for me too.  When all of creation was redeemed and they cried out praise to the Lamb, woman was not separated from them.  She cried out too.

“And I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and in the sea, and all that is in them, saying, “To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be blessing and honor and glory and might forever and ever!”  – Revelation 5

Jesus spoke to the woman at the well.  She had 5 husbands and was yet living with another. He offered her living water.  He did not condemn her, He didn’t judge her, He offered her living water!  She went running, come and see a man, is this not the Messiah?

Mary Magdalene was possessed with devils.  Jesus loved her.  He healed her and she followed Him.  How ironic, she was was the first to proclaim the Good News.

No, God can’t lie.  God didn’t say those things.  Neither would God’s mouthpiece.

Proverbs 6

There are six things that the LORD hates,
seven that are an abomination to him:
haughty eyes, a lying tongue,
and hands that shed innocent blood,
a heart that devises wicked plans,
feet that make haste to run to evil,
a false witness who breathes out lies,
and one who sows discord among brothers.

Every sin that ever was on the earth was caused by a woman.” 57-1006

 “It is impossible for God to lie.”

Satan is her designer. 65-0221

 “It is impossible for God to lie.”

Look, a woman is not even so low. She’s not even a creation in God. She’s a by-product.  56-0715

 “It is impossible for God to lie.”

It was you was the one done it. You presented yourself that way, so you are the guilty one. And you, no matter how virtuous and pure you’ve lived, you’ll be guilty before God of committing adultery with a sinner, just the same as you’d went through the act.  56-1002

 “It is impossible for God to lie.”

You see a woman with a lot of paint on her face, you know what you can call her? Say, “Hello, Miss dog meat.” That’s what she is, like dog meat.  52-0900

 “It is impossible for God to lie.”

She is designed, alone, for filth and unclean living.  65-0221

 “It is impossible for God to lie.”

There is nothing designed, in all creation, that can stoop as low as a woman can.  65-0221

 “It is impossible for God to lie.”

Why didn’t He make her like that in the beginning, like the rest of His females? Because it would be unbecoming to Him.  65-0221

 “It is impossible for God to lie.”

But she is designed to be a sex act, and no other animal is designed like that.  65-0221

 “It is impossible for God to lie.”

Look, a woman is not even so low… She’s not even a creation in God.  56-0715

 “It is impossible for God to lie.”

She’s a by-product.  56-0715

 “It is impossible for God to lie.”

She wasn’t even considered in the original creation.  56-0715

 “It is impossible for God to lie.”

When a woman gets out of the kitchen she’s out of her place.   56-0715

 “It is impossible for God to lie.”

You’d never look at a woman going down the street and tell what’s in her heart. But I wanted to say these things so that you could see why that Satan is her designer.  65-0221

 “It is impossible for God to lie.”

It started with the woman. It’ll end with a woman.  60-1113

 “It is impossible for God to lie.”

Joseph, he said, “Daddy, is there such a thing as a witch?” I said, “Oh, sure.” He said, “Does she have a long nose, and she rides on a broom at nighttime?” I said, “No. She has a painted face and rides in a Cadillac to a–a cocktail party.” That’s the new modern version of it. And he said, “Is that a witch?” I don’t know whether I should’ve told him that or not, because every time on the street he sees one, he says, “Daddy, there’s a witch, isn’t it?  60-0301

 “It is impossible for God to lie.”

“They’re not worth a good clean bullet to kill them with it.” That’s right. And I hated women. That’s right.   59-0419

“You are of your father the devil, and your will is to do your father’s desires. He was a murderer from the beginning, and has nothing to do with the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks out of his own character, for he is a liar and the father of lies.” – John 8   

Another Gospel

The Bitter Belly9 Comments

wmbbible

I sit here staring at a very full bookcase. It is neatly lined with large red volumes stamped with golden logos of eagles.  A second and third shelf are filled with yet another set of dark leather bound volumes that took years to collect.  There are multiple copies of several paper bound books and rows of media as well.

I can remember two tape libraries over the years.  The first set was brown, and the last set was grey.  Before they finished the grey set, compact discs became available.  Next, there were MP3s and DVDs.

I now own “The Table”, complete with both formats which replaced my “Ebook player” and other software formats.  I have purchased “Stories” and Owen Jorgenson’s series.  They all fill multiple rows of shelving and now sit, gathering dust.  Occasionally they are pulled out for reference, but not very often.

When something from the “message” came out, I made certain to buy it.   I’ve ordered things from Cloverdale, Tuscon, VOGR, BC Fellowship, and others.  Upgrades, new found sermons, booklets of quotes, photo books, devotionals, story books for kids, anything that came available, to support the ministry.

Mentally adding up the amount of money spent, paying royalty fees again and again over the years for the exact same sermons, I can’t help but feel a little empty inside.  It wasn’t something I had considered before, it was just the appropriate thing to do at the time.  I half smile remembering the long lines Easter weekend at the VOGR waiting to purchase more items.  It was always a treat bumping into someone I knew to say hello.

I’ve been pondering on these things for a while.  My heart has been heavy with regret. In one way,  I always considered purchasing all of these various items a way to help support the ministry.  But now, when I think about it, I know… that just isn’t the sum of it.

Over the last few weeks I’ve encountered circumstances that have stirred me and challenged me to reconsider missions and what missions were for.

I’ve began to ask myself just what the Gospel was.  What does it mean to spread the Good News?  Missions before were shipping tape libraries and books.  Translating the message into the next language, watching slide shows of believers somewhere far away.  Missions were for message outreach.  Didn’t we feel the excitement knowing we could now hear the voice of the prophet in even the remotest of jungles?

As a youth, I volunteered at the VOGR to help package books.  I felt privileged to be a part of spreading the “good news.”  When I toured the VOGR and saw the thousands of books printed in multiple languages, it was exciting to see what God was doing.  This was the “Message of the Hour” and God was calling out a bride across the world.  The call was sent out, “Come out of her My people and into the Message of the Hour.”

The “Good News”.

The “Gospel.”

“And the angel said to them, “Fear not, for behold, I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.” – Luke 2:10

“Soon afterward he went on through cities and villages, proclaiming and bringing the good news of the kingdom of God.” – Luke 8:1

“And we bring you the good news that what God promised to the fathers, this he has fulfilled to us their children by raising Jesus, as also it is written in the second Psalm,

“‘You are my Son, today I have begotten you.’

And as for the fact that he raised him from the dead, no more to return to corruption, he has spoken in this way,

“‘I will give you the holy and sure blessings of David.’

Therefore he says also in another psalm,

“‘You will not let your Holy One see corruption.’

For David, after he had served the purpose of God in his own generation, fell asleep and was laid with his fathers and saw corruption, but he whom God raised up did not see corruption. Let it be known to you therefore, brothers, that through this man forgiveness of sins is proclaimed to you, and by him everyone who believes is freed from everything from which you could not be freed by the law of Moses. Beware, therefore, lest what is said in the Prophets should come about:

‘Look, you scoffers, be astounded and perish; for I am doing a work in your days, a work that you will not believe, even if one tells it to you.”

For so the Lord has commanded us, saying, “I have made you a light for the Gentiles, that you may bring salvation to the ends of the earth.” – Acts 13

I am asking myself, when did the Gospel become so complicated?  We used to go and spread the good news mouth to ear.  God found it fitting for the Bible to make its way from a printing press and into the hands of His people.  Today it is printed in over 2,530 languages.

The message of William Branham has managed to take the simplicity of the Bible (one book, the written inspired word of God) and add over 1200 sermons, multiple books, and various other “products.”  Prior to MP3’s the cost of shipping the tape and book libraries was phenomenal.

People were poor, hungry, sick, and without clean water.  People lived in trash dumps scavenging for things to sell to buy food to eat.  Children are orphaned as infants when their parents died of HIV.  Here in our own communities, there are poor and needy.  We have homeless and widows.  Yet, we feel that spreading the “good news” was placing a message book in their poor and empty hands.  Excitedly, we asked them, “Do you know God sent a prophet?”

Life stories of the prophet, photographs, videos of his hometown are printed and sold all over the world.  One man’s sermons gives the Bible a back seat, pushes Jesus to the side, and preaches a different gospel.  These 1200 sermons are the focus of the message believing community for spreading the gospel. 

A different gospel is a strong statement to make, when most message believers claim William Branham pointed you to Jesus.  Branham.org indeed points you to a man, but it is not Jesus Christ.  The photo at the top of this post, is the photo they have inserted into the Bible, commemorating the 100 year anniversary of William Branham’s birth.  They are dedicated in spreading the news of a prophet.  Jesus wasn’t enough for them.

These 1200 sermons point you to a prophet, they tell you to look for another Elijah.  They tell you the word is incomplete and a prophet must come and divinely interpret the Bible for you. These 1200 sermons and their author have became another veil between God and His people.  They supply you with the voice of a man with quotes to lead you and guide you in your every decision.  This takes away the very purpose and intent of the New Covenant.

Without these 1200 sermons, you have an incomplete, un-restored word.  The idea, that you need more than the Bible, the teaching that the word needs to be “restored” is heretical. What part of “it is finished” did Jesus not mean?

“For there is one God, and there is one mediator between God and men, the man Christ Jesus”  – 1 Timothy 2:5

The Bible says it is of no private interpretation, it tells us we are not to add to it or take away from it.  Most Christians hold this Bible to be the written inspired word of God. They hold it to be their standard and their absolute.

Message believers have replaced this absolute with the books and tapes of these 1200 sermons.  They search it, quote it, and live by it.  Should you bring something William Branham said to them that is not found within the Bible, or disagrees with the Bible, it makes no difference.  “He said it, they believe it, and that settles it.”

What is the good news?

It never changed. It never got any more complicated, Jesus Christ is still the same yesterday today and forever.  His word never changed.  There is no need to insert 1200 sermons, splice verses, or interpret the word to say something it does not.

God’s word says what it says and we say Amen.

Our traditions have bound us into the walls of a building, the confines of a select group of people, neglecting two words: The Gospel.

“And he said to them, “Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation. Whoever believes and is baptized will be saved, but whoever does not believe will be condemned.” – Mark 16

The gospel is not 1200 sermons, another Elijah, the seals, or mysteries and secrets.  Jesus said, there was nothing in secret.  It was for children who would learn.  Children. The same children that sat on his knee, and He said suffer to bring them to me.  Why?  Because, it’s simple, it is love.

““For God so loved the WORLD, that he gave his only Son, that WHOEVER believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” – John 3:16

Upon leaving the message, I have been told “It just wasn’t for me”.  They told me, “It isn’t for everyone.”  What message are we spreading?

My Bible tells me it is for everyone.  The whole world, all of creation, every creature, every tongue and nation.

They want you to believe they are another book of Acts.  They drive fancy expensive cars, live in beautiful homes, and stand behind a pulpit with expensive suits.  They swap pulpits and go on vacations.  They set a higher standard that every member of the congregation strives to achieve.

“And with great power the apostles were giving testimony to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus, and abundant grace was upon them all. For there was not a needy person among them, for all who were owners of land or houses would sell them and bring the proceeds of the sales and lay them at the apostles’ feet, and they would be distributed to each as any had need.” – Acts 4

Where are the poor, the desolate, the orphans, the widows, the hungry?  They are being cared for by those harlot denominational churches.  The ones we have been told Jesus is standing and knocking at the door trying to get in to.

“For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.’

“Then these righteous ones will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink? Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing? When did we ever see you sick or in prison and visit you?’

“And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’ – Matthew 25

We sat with our bellies full, spiritual gluttons claiming to be the body of Christ.  Our hands have fed only ourselves and lined the pockets of wolves in sheep’s clothing.  We confined our giving to a box, a box that God does not fit inside of.

We drive past the homeless and the hungry.  When disaster strikes our thoughts are to the message believers only.  We cast off all of the other life that God has breathed into to say, it is only “birth pains” judgment upon them.  Where is our charity, the love that is the greatest of faith and hope?

God commanded us to love our neighbor as our self.  I highly doubt we even know their name.  You cannot close your eyes and pretend not to see the hurting.  When you are a new creature in Christ, saved by grace through faith, you cannot place it in a box for safe keeping.  You must pour it out and empty it, so He can fill you up again.

“And he will answer, ‘I tell you the truth, when you refused to help the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were refusing to help me.”

When was the last time that your message pastor encouraged you to volunteer at a homeless shelter, food bank, or other local outreach?  When has the leadership in your message church stood shoulder to shoulder with other Christians in your local area to bring relief to orphans and widows, or those affected by natural disasters?  When you sponsored tape libraries, did you also sponsor programs to bring clean water, food, and other basic services to believers AND unbelievers living in poverty?  Are we really living out the great commission and writing a new book of Acts?

“If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never ends. As for prophecies, they will pass away; as for tongues, they will cease; as for knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when the perfect comes, the partial will pass away. When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways. For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known.

So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.” – 1 Corinthians 13

Deuteronomy 22:5

The Bitter Belly3 Comments

 “A woman shall not wear man’s clothing, nor shall a man put on a woman’s clothing; for whoever does these things is an abomination to the LORD your God.”  – Deuteronomy 22:5

This scripture appears to be a hot topic these days.  Over the last few weeks I’ve seen links and comments posted all over Facebook concerning the outward appearance of the woman. I’m slightly amused that a woman’s clothing can consume so much attention without even the slightest mention of the man’s attire.  More so, I’m amazed that only the first half of the verse is discussed.

Snippets of sermons have made their way around quoting those boldly claiming a woman who would wear pants won’t make the rapture.  That is quite a statement.

Up until a few months ago, I had never worn pants in my life, unless you count pajamas.  I must confess, the comfort of my pjs is well loved, especially in the winter.  I find them convenient because they do not tangle up around you in the night.   Perhaps I should also confess I once wore my beloved flannel pajama bottoms outside under my coat to shovel the driveway.

Will I miss the rapture for wearing my flannel pink polka dotted pajamas?

I have heard ministers preach women should not wear pajamas.  I’ve even heard ministers say they would rather their wife freeze than let her use their coat, because it was a man’s garment.  They held the extreme view that women aren’t to wear denim, have zippers, wear tee-shirts, or tennis shoes.  No, for them pajamas were not an option.

I read a commentary on this scripture recently which said this famous verse in Deuteronomy 22 was referring not to a woman in pants, but to a woman dressing in armor.  What will we do with Joan of Arc?  With the interpretation concerning armor, if a woman should not bear arms, perhaps a man should not…. carry a purse?  Use a mixer?

We neglect to remember the Bible was written for every creature, tongue, and nation; prior to western civilization.  Other cultures should be taken into consideration.  The samfoo and panjabi suit are traditional modest garments worn by women which most westerners would consider a pant-like garment.  The Scots wear a kilt, Bhutan men wear a gho, and Fijian men wear a pocket sulu; all of which very much resemble a skirt.

According to common message thinking; women are not to wear pants and men are not to wear skirts.  Those outside of the western civilization may find this troubling.

If you wish to go that route, what will you do with Jesus and His disciples?  Moses wrote the law and I assure you, he was not wearing ‘wranglers’.

Why is it, in all of these sermons and conversations do they only focus on the women?   The verse has more than one part.  It is written for the men as well as the women.  

If women are not to wear pants simply because this verse says a man’s garment, then men are not to wear skirts or dresses.  This poses a problem when we consider the change of fashion over time.  This verse was written thousands of years ago, prior to Levis and Dungarees.

I’d like to see the ministers today trade their suits and ties in for a nice robe like Moses wore when this law was written.  That ought to be interesting

The topic of garments and modesty has gone out the window, attempting to determine salvation based on the outward appearance, when God clearly told us, He looks on the heart.  Truly we are naked before Him; there is nothing we can do to make ourselves worthy.  We are found clothed in our own self-righteousness, a Pharisee of the Pharisees.

Why on this Earth did Jesus send us the Comforter to lead us and guide us into all truth when we have such God fearing ministers but a phone call or text away, ready to give us the thumbs up or “Like”?  With each and every fashion trend, they stand ready at the pulpit to give their opinion.

People are and always will be influenced by trends and society or culture in one way or another.  Today we are greatly influenced by convenience and practicality.  A woman no longer runs to the store in heels and white gloves.  Men hardly ever wear suits and ties to work anymore.  If you think we are not to be influenced by society at all, then perhaps you should convert to Amish.

I feel like I have spent my entire life dressing for the approval of others.  I had a standard placed before me and that was my guideline.  I can remember keeping what minister so-and-so said in mind while out shopping.  I also remember heels being okay at one church, but when visiting another church, flats were appropriate.  This church believed straight skirts were wrong, another felt you needed long sleeves.  Sisters ran around with safety pins chasing the splits revealing calves.  I dressed as expected and I never questioned it…. until a few months ago.

When I left “the message” I wiped the slate clean and started over with everything.   Yes, I did go back and ask why I dressed the way I did.  Was it simply because I was raised that way and I complied, or did I genuinely feel convicted to do so?

This has been a difficult task for me.  I feel very strongly about modesty.  I feel a female shouldn’t just be a woman but she should be a lady.  This reflects in her attire, her actions, her speech, it’s everything about her.  Modesty is the demeanor that suggests a man stop to open the door, step to the side, and watch his language.  This is not done simply by wearing a skirt or deciding not to wear pants.

Modesty is a very controversial topic indeed.  Perhaps it is not modesty up for discussion after all, but rather the opinions and ideas of the scripture interpreted by men judging men. Opinion has replaced the leading of the Spirit in the heart of the individual, laying law and removing grace.

I have made my decision to pray about my clothing, consider the occasion, and talk it over with my husband.  If this offends someone, I’m not certain what to tell them.  I do take comfort in knowing, they do not make the call for who will, and who will not, make the rapture.  If it is between six and nine, I’ll more than likely be in my pajamas anyway.

Over the Edge

The Bitter Belly2 Comments

I think everyone has things they do not understand, questions they cannot answer, and things they have stumbled upon at one point or anther which bother them.  Most devout message believers will take those things and “put them on the shelf”.

I confess I have done this over the years.   Usually it was little things such as Enoch hanging around the ark or the Earth being square.  It was easy at one time to excuse them as humanity or lack of education.

I’ve heard them argue,  “God’s prophets don’t make mistakes.”  I’ve heard them follow through with, “That wasn’t thus saith the Lord” or “Not everything he said was the message.”

Excuses.

You can reason anything, twist it any which way you want to make it say what you need it to say in order to stay in your comfort zone.  I tried to.  I tried really hard to.

When I first heard of the cloud issue, I came up with my very own “remedy” to settle the discrepancy.  Of course, God showed things in the heavens before He did anything on Earth, and if you calculated it just right, the five or seven angels were only waiting on him for 10 minutes in God’s time. In a cloud drifting east… a couple hundred miles away… from where he actually was…

(I later read something about cognitive dissonance, which summed my “remedy” up quite well.)

I took all of the discrepancies, questions, concerns, failed visions, and everything else that bothered me and I placed them on my shelf one at a time, nicely and neatly.  They sat gathering dust waiting for me to gather enough revelation to look through them again.

Then one day as I was sticking yet another discrepancy on my shelf, the shelf began to rock and sway, toppling over, it fell right on top of me.  I found myself surrounded by discrepancies and questions, making it difficult to even breathe.  My mind was spinning so quickly that it hurt to think.

I had been pushed over the edge.

Call it the straw that broke the camel’s back, the icing on the cake, my one last nerve, or whatever works for you.  I had reached my breaking point.

I would lay awake at night unable to sleep with my thoughts going round and round in my head unable to stop them.  I slept fitfully, awaking from dreams mixed with quotes, questions, and every Bible scripture I had read that day.  I was restless, anxious, overwhelmed, and stressed.  It seemed the only thing that brought me peace was searching for answers.

Even though I can pinpoint the moment I was pushed over the edge, and remember exactly what I was reading and thinking, I cannot do the same for the transition from turmoil to peace.  Somewhere along the way, the many discrepancies and errors turned from chaos to confirmation.

Human emotion ceases to leave me.  Bewilderment and disappointment always seem to come knocking with each new thing I find.  I say I’m not surprised, but that’s only after I’ve read it at least twice.  Often I just shake my head, “Really?”  Other times, I need to walk away.

Where once something was so heavy, I couldn’t carry it, the need to is now gone.  The restless nights have slipped away and in their place I now have something I only thought I had before.

Hello, my name is regret
I’m pretty sure we have met
Every single day of your life
I’m the whisper inside
That won’t let you forget
Hello, my name is defeat
I know you recognize me
Just when you think you can win
I’ll drag you right back down again
‘Til you’ve lost all belief
These are the voices, these are the lies
And I have believed them, for the very last time
Hello, my name is child of the one true King
I’ve been saved, I’ve been changed, and I have been set free
“Amazing Grace” is the song I sing
Hello, my name is child of the one true King
I am no longer defined
By all the wreckage behind
The one who makes all things new
Has proven it’s true
Just take a look at my life
What love the Father has lavished upon us
That we should be called His children
I am a child of the one true King

-Matthew West

Apostate

The Bitter Belly7 Comments

“For it is impossible, in the case of those who have once been enlightened, who have tasted the heavenly gift, and have shared in the Holy Spirit, and have tasted the goodness of the word of God and the powers of the age to come, and then have fallen away, to restore them again to repentance, since they are crucifying once again the Son of God to their own harm and holding him up to contempt.”  – Hebrews 6:4-6

When something you have believed with all of your heart, that has shaped your life and affected your every decision suddenly disintegrates, you are left with empty hands and a wounded heart.  You feel completely lost.

The message was all I had ever known.  It felt like my world had turned upside down.  I was devastated.  I can honestly say there is not a day that goes by that I do not hope something will miraculously put all of the pieces back together.

Contrary to the popular assumption, I did not leave because it was too hard.  I didn’t leave so I could change my standards or make new friends.  I left because I could not take what I had been taught back to the Bible.

Perhaps one of the hardest things I faced was the judgment of those I left behind.   I knew I would loose friends.  I knew it would hurt my family.  I even had somewhat of an idea of the gossip I would face.  Somehow though, no matter how much I braced myself, it just wasn’t enough.

Telling your family you no longer believe William Branham to be a prophet is like slapping them in the face.  It hurts beyond any words I could try to say.  I love and respect my family.  I didn’t want to tell them, but a day came when I no longer had a choice.

You cannot prepare for such times.  You can play it out over and over in your head and yet I promise you, it’s never like you anticipated.  The heaviness of heart lingers even still.  I do thank the Lord He was with me, and provided me the words to say.  However, no matter how settled you are in your thinking and your stand, there is just no easy way about it.  From that point on, things will never be the same again.

I’ve had confident friends shrug off my questions with, “Why doubt?”  Is it doubting to want to understand what you believe?  Is it doubting to think the Bible is your absolute and what you are taught should line up with it?

It hurts to loose friends.  I ache when I think of the hurt and shame I cause my family.  I want them to be proud of me, I’ve always aimed to please.  Rejecting the teachings they raised me under was far from pleasing.  It was the deepest kind of heartache and shame, and I had caused it.

It would seem so simple to ignore discrepancies.  It would be so much easier to pretend nothing had changed, everything would remain the same.  My family would be happy and I would still have my circle of friends.

However, I chose the Bible over the words of a man.  In doing so a line was drawn.  My family, friends, and everything I had ever known was on one side of the line, but God was on the other.  Never in my life had I envisioned my family apart from God.  Tears spilled down my cheeks and my body shook in pain.

Please dear Lord, please don’t separate me from my family.  That is when I found Matthew chapter ten.  I read it over and over knowing I was being tested.

The moment you cross that line all other doors are shut and locked and there is but one way to go.  I would forsake all else for my Jesus.  Without Him, I had nothing, I was nothing.

I have been told I am an apostate.  You know, I had to look that word up to be certain of what it meant.  It means you forsake your faith.  I’d like to clarify that.  My faith is in God.  He is my source of strength.  He is my rock and my deliverer.  Without Him I would not be.

I may not have been able to take all of the message teachings back to the Bible.  It is true that I was stripped down to my foundation.  Everything I thought I knew was gone and I had nothing left.  But my foundation wasn’t the message.  My foundation was my Creator, my Savior, my Redeemer, and my Friend.

You can take away the prophet, you can have his message.  But you cannot take away my Jesus.  Don’t you dare try to tell me He left me.  He promised, He would never leave me or forsake me.

And He hasn’t.

I left the message because I believe I am choosing Truth, I believe I am honoring the Word of God and allowing Him to lead me as He promised to do.  I left the message because I didn’t want anyone or anything between me and my Lord.  He ripped the veil once and that is the way it should remain.

I will not lean upon the words of a man, I will not rest in the confidence of a ministry.  I do not look for comforting words from a prophet.  When I get to heaven and I go before my Lord, it will be just me and Him.  I might as well start now.

Forsaking the teachings of the message does not make me an apostate.  Faith in the message does not save you.  Faith in Jesus Christ…. that saves you.

I’m not an apostate.  I am a Christian.

Shunned

The Bitter Belly7 Comments

Whoever is not with me is against me,and whoever does not gather with me scatters.                                                                                                                             – Matthew 12:30

Message pastors are now telling their congregations to have nothing to do with anyone who leaves the message, an ex-believer is now their enemy.

This is devastating.  This is wrong.

Yet, I assure you it is happening. 

Families who are neighbors living next door to one another wait to check their mailbox until the coast is clear.  Restaurants are surveyed before entering.  Parking lots are checked for familiar vehicles.

You might run into someone you have known for 20 years at the grocery store, you’ve ate together, you’ve stayed at their house, their kid was in your wedding.  Now they avoid eye contact and duck the other way.  

It hurts.  A lot.

Telling my children they couldn’t see their friends anymore was hard.  It wasn’t my choice, I invited and invited and invited. They declined every single time.  Months have passed, it’s like we never existed.

My kids don’t understand.  They ask me, “Mommy why can’t they come over to play? Are they sick?”  

I told them the truth and  I watched their little faces form emotions of confusion and sadness.  “But mommy, we still love Jesus.”

“Yes. Yes we do.”

My kids have gone through phases pretending their little friends are coming for a visit.  They get everything set up only to walk away.  They start to ask if their friend can come over to play with a new toy and stop mid-sentence to say, “Never mind.”

You have moments when you are out shopping and you see something that you know a friend would like.  You find a recipe you want to make and invite them over to try.  Mostly, you just ache to talk to them.  You want to pour your heart out and tell them how hard this is.  

You need them and they have shut themselves off from you.

I miss my friends.  I miss having a cup of coffee and chatting.  I miss their Facebook posts.  I miss seeing pictures of their kids and hearing what they are up to.

I’ve had to ask myself, were they really my friend at all or was I just a convenient choice because we had “so much in common”?

You fight depression and complexes.  You think maybe if you were more _______ they would still want to be your friend.  If you hadn’t done ___________ your kids would still have their playmates.

You wonder, why they haven’t came to your aid, bringing you the answers that comfort them? 

Slowly your friend count begins to drop.  The invites stop coming and you are now the subject of the latest “news”.

“Did you hear the ______ family left?  Can you believe it!?  No, I haven’t seen her yet! Do you think she’s cut her hair?  You know it’s coming, they always do.  Mmm-hmm, pants too.”

And on it goes.  No phone calls, no emails asking why you have not been to church.  Silent assumption greets you.  

I have to admit this offends me even still.  Did not Jesus say we are to leave and go after the one lost sheep?  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not lost.  But they think I am, so why didn’t they come find me?

Jesus said He wouldn’t loose one of his.  Not one.

You go ahead and shun me.  Take me off of your friend list.  Ignore my emails, leave the restaurant I’m sitting in, exit the grocery aisle I’m standing in, that’s fine.  I won’t pretend it doesn’t hurt, though I try to.  I want you to know, I’ll be right here when you need me.

Matthew 10

“When people realize it is the living God you are presenting and not some idol that makes them feel good, they are going to turn on you, even people in your own family. There is a great irony here: proclaiming so much love, experiencing so much hate! But don’t quit. Don’t cave in. It is all well worth it in the end. It is not success you are after in such times but survival. Be survivors! Before you’ve run out of options, the Son of Man will have arrived.”

“Don’t be intimidated. Eventually everything is going to be out in the open, and everyone will know how things really are. So don’t hesitate to go public now.

 “Don’t be bluffed into silence by the threats of bullies. There’s nothing they can do to your soul, your core being. Save your fear for God, who holds your entire life—body and soul—in his hands.”

“Stand up for me against world opinion and I’ll stand up for you before my Father in heaven. If you turn tail and run, do you think I’ll cover for you?

“Don’t think I’ve come to make life cozy. I’ve come to cut—make a sharp knife-cut between son and father, daughter and mother, bride and mother-in-law—cut through these cozy domestic arrangements and free you for God. Well-meaning family members can be your worst enemies. If you prefer father or mother over me, you don’t deserve me. If you prefer son or daughter over me, you don’t deserve me.

“If you don’t go all the way with me, through thick and thin, you don’t deserve me. If your first concern is to look after yourself, you’ll never find yourself. But if you forget about yourself and look to me, you’ll find both yourself and me.”  -The Message

Floating with the Stream

The Bitter Belly7 Comments

“It is quite interesting that I grew up similar to you but I have the exact opposite feelings….I am so thankful that I went through it because it made me a very strong person and when I see all the ones today that “fit in”, I would not trade my life for one of them. I see people that are alcoholics, addicted to drugs, divorced multiple times, abandonding their children…and the list goes on. My Dad has been a wonderful christian example to me and he told me that the trash floats with the stream…how true…I love being different. Anybody can be like everybody. Maybe this wasn’t for you and if you feel that you have missed out than that is more than likely the case. I have held professional jobs in a Fortune 500 company and had more people respect me for my beliefs than you can imagine….even met my future husband there who said I caught his eye with how I always dressed like a lady…different. At that time, he was a complete sinner with no religious background and even he could tell the difference. I am a very common sense person and to me this works. When something works, you generally stay with what works. I guess my feeling is…if you are finally now “free” and feel like you are happy now that you “fit in”…..why would you run someone down that cannot even defend why they had on linen, white shorts? I just cannot see the spirit of Christ acting in the way I see people on the BTS site….so if you were a fly on the wall and sad you could not join in……I am glad you finally found a place you “fit in”…life is too short to be miserable…another great quote from my Dad. :) May God richly bless you.”

I received this comment a few days ago on one of my posts.  As I read it, my heart became heavy.  I moused over the “approve” and hesitated.  Something seemed to hold me from doing so.  I signed off and still the words lingered, staying with me.  I pondered over them and tried my best to empathize.  

It was not that I didn’t know where she was coming from, I most certainly did.  I had been there.  I have been “different” all my life.  Separating myself from the things and people of this world.  I looked down on others who were not like me.  I too was proud to be different, I was not ashamed of my skirts.  I prided myself, when men opened my door and treated me like the lady my appearance demanded.  I raised my nose at the “worldly” girls with their jeans, short hair, and makeup.  I knew I could be like them in a moment, but they, they could never be like me.

I am reminded of one of Jesus’ parables:

“Two men went up into the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector.  The Pharisee, standing by himself, prayed thus: ‘God, I thank you that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector.  I fast twice a week; I give tithes of all that I get.’  But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even lift up his eyes to heaven, but beat his breast, saying, ‘God, be merciful to me, a sinner!’ I tell you, this man went down to his house justified, rather than the other. For everyone who exalts himself will be humbled, but the one who humbles himself will be exalted.”   -Luke 18

Jesus, friend of sinners.

“And as he reclined at table in his house, many tax collectors and sinners were reclining with Jesus and his disciples, for there were many who followed him.   And the scribes of the Pharisees, when they saw that he was eating with sinners and tax collectors, said to his disciples, “Why does he eat with tax collectors and sinners?” And when Jesus heard it, he said to them, “Those who are well have no need of a physician, but those who are sick. I came not to call the righteous, but sinners.”  – Mark 2

The words, “the trash floats with the stream” rang in my mind.  “Trash.”  I have been called that before.  There is no lower feeling of unworth.  They are not words you forget.

“Alcoholics, addicted to drugs, divorced multiple times, abandonding their children…and the list goes on.”

Mary, called Magdalene, Joanna, and Susanna, women cured of evil spirits and diseases.

The woman at the well, did she not have five husbands, and living with yet another?  Yes, these were “trash that floated with the stream”,

Then Jesus came

.

“for they shall all know me,  from the least of them to the greatest.  For I will be merciful toward their iniquities,  and I will remember their sins no more.”

I am the least, and He tells me He loves me anyway.  He picked me up, cleaned me, and made me better than before.  A new creature.  I didn’t deserve it, I couldn’t earn it, He gave freely and I accepted.  Remember, “And he said to them, “Go into all the world and proclaim the gospel to the whole creation.”

Next time you see trash floating with the stream, share the good news, give them a cup of cold water.  Whisper a prayer for them.  Remember no little boy desires to be a drug addict or alcoholic when he grows up.  No little girl wants to play the harlot.  You don’t know what storms they have walked through, but you do know who controls the storm.

When my Jesus walked on this earth He healed the trash like me.  He called them by name and He fed them.  He gave His life for them.

When you begin to think you are above everyone else, that you are someone or something, and you start to thank God you aren’t like the rest, That is when you neglect to see we all came from the same dirt,  We are all born into sin.

We are now His body and His members, so let us do as Jesus did.  Let us not be found as the Pharisees, but let us go down unto the stream and tell His children He loves them.  Just like He loves you and me.

“Oh Jesus, friend of sinners
Open our eyes to the world
At the end our pointing fingers
Let our hearts be led by mercy
Help us reach with open hearts and open doors
Oh Jesus, friend of sinners
Break our hearts for what breaks Yours”

That’s Just Not Fair

The Bitter BellyLeave a comment

William Branham

It was only a few short months ago that I saw this photo for the very first time.  I stared at it for a long time silently studying it.

Memories from my childhood began making their way forward.  Children wrinkling their faces and asking in a disapproving tone, “Why do you always wear dresses?”

Teachers phoning the house asking my mother why she had sent me to school in a dress, when the permission slip she had signed clearly stated that I was to wear jeans.

Girl Scout activities, gym class, summer camps… always standing out.  Never fitting in.

It was hard making friends, you knew you were different.  Childhood as a message believer was anything but normal.  No make up, long hair, and a long baggy dress that more than likely I could have shared with a twin.  There were a lot of sideways glances.  When I was in school, jean skirts were a rarity so you ended up with a gathered printed skirt that your mother would have worn.

All those memories, the hurtful words, looks, and awkward feelings flooded their way to the surface and smacked me right in the face.

There was the prophet himself in shorts.

I stared at it, forcing back tears.  Remembering each and every time my dress prevented me from participating in one thing or another.  The memories and emotions surprised me, those were things from so long ago.

Then reason kicked in.  I had missed something somewhere.  A quick Google search brought me to Rebekah Smith’s slide show on YouTube assuring me it was only a joke for the kids. Everyone was laughing, slowly my emotions deflated and I felt ashamed of myself for feeling the way I had.  I pushed the photo out of my mind and set to making dinner.

Not too many weeks ago, this very same photo made its way back into my news-feed.  Once again I stared at it, remembering.

Studying the detail again my eyes rested on his jacket.  A tailored safari jacket, linen probably. I looked for pockets, buttons, and wrinkles.  My eyes dropped to his white socks, onto his darkly colored shoes, then slowly back up to the shorts. White shorts,  probably linen too.

They matched… so well.  A regular little safari suit.

Just his size.

In the middle of the Savanna.

Reality oozed it’s way back forcing me to study the surroundings.  Mud had made its way up the white wall of the hut.  Grass covered the round pointed roof.  Dirt paths wound around the buildings.  Shadows suggested a nice warm sun was shining down.

Again, my eyes stared back at the shorts, the skin was dark from shadow,  But it was not the stark white skin you would see if my husband put on shorts.

I paused to carefully think about what I saw.  Where does one acquire a pair of shorts on the African Savanna?

Generally, when on a trip of any sort you have just exactly what you carefully planned and packed in your suitcase to take with you.   Myself, I didn’t own a pair of shorts to have in my suitcase, and yet, he did.

This was not just any pair of shorts, but a suit and quite the typical outfit for just such an occasion.

White hat, white shirt, white socks, and…. white shorts.  Precisely his size.

Those emotions attempted to rise, I paused quietening my reaction.  I just shook my head, no words.  All the same, that little girl was crying “that’s just not fair.”

Fly On a Wall

The Bitter Belly17 Comments

I’m certain many remember the “Humble Pie”  Believe the Sign  served last fall.  I don’t think the word shocked could possibly start to express what I felt.  How on earth could the message be wrong?  

I stayed glued to their Facebook page watching the comments and reading all of their posts.  I waited anxiously for someone to come in and set everything right again.  Not one minster stepped up.  Not one.  

I was so disappointed.  I streamed services from every well known minister in the message hoping for answers.  “Stay off of the sites, don’t engage, do not do an independent study, ask the ministry all your questions, and the worst: The Bible has discrepancies too!”

I was absolutely sickened.  These ministers I thought so very much of and had so much respect for, refused to answer questions.  Instead, they pointed to flaws in men of the Bible and tried to justify the discrepancies rather than present reasonable answers.  

I began to think of the young people, of course they had questions about all this.  Wouldn’t it have been so much easier to take a service and answer each and every discrepancy or question presented with the Bible? No, instead let’s make them look stupid and ridiculous for even having questions.

How arrogant.

Well of course God uses fallible men.  We are human.  It is not so much the man in question, but what he said.  Did he say what the Bible said?  Either you hold the Bible as your standard or you don’t.  

What I saw was men, elders, who had been in the message for 30 or more years standing up and saying “we were wrong”. 

I decided to hear to what they had to say.

I felt like I was approaching a group of minsters on a platform.  Me, a woman slowly approaching them, timidly asking, humbly, eyes to the floor… I didn’t see many “sisters” out there, and I knew I would be considered out of my place.  But… it just had to be done.

My fingers were shaking, as I typed out, deleted, and retyped my question several times.  I was so nervous, I couldn’t make sense of it myself, hopefully someone else would.  I closed my eyes and hit enter. 

Within minutes my phone was beeping and my email inbox dinged.  I even had messages on Facebook from people I didn’t even know, and they were all saying the same thing: “Disengage!”

Funny how, if I was a man asking, there wouldn’t have been the intimidation.  I don’t even think I would have been nervous.  It probably would have rolled off like last night’s ball game scores.  I’m pretty sure no one would have even noticed.

However, female that I was, I was warned not to communicate with those people, they are apostates.  Speaking with them would only open doors to weaken and test my own faith.  If I had any questions, I should ask a minister or my husband.  What made them think I hadn’t?

I will admit I let them intimidate me.  I stayed quiet, like a fly on a wall, silently reading. Watching for answers that never came, only to realize, they never would.

I will tell you this, when I asked questions of those “apostates”, they answered me.  And when they did, it was with love and kindness.  I wasn’t mistreated on the forum at all.  The notes of warning were all sent privately by “friends”, “family”, and “concerned” message believers.

Just participating in a small conversation on the site shamed and embarrassed my family.  I decided it was for the best that I not participate any further.  I cried in frustration, that I would ever remain, a fly on the wall.  

You know when you feel like you’ve hit rock bottom and it just can’t possibly get any worse?  Perhaps you’ve fallen and you just can’t go any further.  That is when He carries you.  He picks you up, and brings you along until you can go again.   Sometimes, you don’t even realize it, but He’s been there the whole time.

A friend request showed up a couple of months later, out of the blue.  It was a male name I recognized from the comments on the forum.  When I accepted, they sent me a message telling me who they really were.  It was another sister, just like me, seeking answers, but afraid to ask.  As I read her note tears streamed down my cheeks.  All I could think was, “I’m not alone, I’m not alone!”

She said she saw me post, and thought it was so brave of me as a woman to do so.  This made me realize that if there was one fly on the wall, there were more.  If there was one woman asking questions under a man’s name, there were more.

All of this was nearly a year ago now.  So very much has happened.  I am no longer a fly on the wall, others however, still are.  Good news- more are coming. 

A Light Unto My Path

The Bitter Belly3 Comments

Reading about all of the discrepancies in the message on the internet, caused me to contemplate what I believed.  I was raised in the message, so most of my beliefs were a result from acts of obedience and trust rather than true Biblical study.  I never had a reason to question whether it was correct or not.

I started with what I felt was the most basic of principals and worked my way through.

  1.  Why do we believe in an “Elijah Ministry?”
  2.  What is a prophet?
  3.  How do you know a prophet is a prophet?

By the time I arrived at my third question, I was completely shaken.  A flood of human emotions threatened to overtake me.  A line had been drawn between sides and I had to choose which way to cross.

Fear of “rejecting the word for my day” loomed over me taunting, “You’ll be lost, you’ll go to hell.  You are rejecting truth and will walk in spiritual blindness.  You just need more revelation.”

“For we are God’s fellow workers. You are God’s field, God’s building.  According to the grace of God given to me, like a skilled master builder I laid a foundation, and someone else is building upon it. Let each one take care how he builds upon it. For no one can lay a foundation other than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ. Now if anyone builds on the foundation with gold, silver, precious stones, wood, hay, straw— each one’s work will become manifest, for the Day will disclose it, because it will be revealed by fire, and the fire will test what sort of work each one has done. If the work that anyone has built on the foundation survives, he will receive a reward. If anyone’s work is burned up, he will suffer loss, though he himself will be saved, but only as through fire.”  – 1 Corinthians 3

When God gives an answer, it will line right up with the Word.  He writes His word in your heart and His answer will drive out all of your fear and the clouds of confusion will vanish.  God’s answer not only brings peace, but also the necessary boldness to walk in the light He gave.  

“Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path.”

I would like to tell you I am the same person I once was, I just believe differently now.  But that isn’t true.  Old things have passed away, and I will never be the same again.

“The old life is gone; a new life has begun!” – 2 Corinthians 5:17

 My next few posts will follow the questions I asked.  I will share the scriptures that brought my peace and drove my fear and confusion away.  His word is Truth and in it is Life, that Life is Light, and the Light pushes the darkness away.  Peace, Courage, Hope, and Understanding be to you.

Psalm 119

Blessed are those whose way is blameless, who walk in the law of the LORD!

Blessed are those who keep his testimonies, who seek him with their whole heart, who also do no wrong, but walk in his ways!

You have commanded your precepts to be kept diligently.  Oh that my ways may be steadfast in keeping your statutes!

Then I shall not be put to shame, having my eyes fixed on all your commandments. I will praise you with an upright heart, when I learn your righteous rules. I will keep your statutes; do not utterly forsake me!

How can a young man keep his way pure? By guarding it according to your word.

With my whole heart I seek you; let me not wander from your commandments! I have stored up your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.

Blessed are you, O LORD; teach me your statutes! With my lips I declare all the rules of your mouth. In the way of your testimonies I delight as much as in all riches.
I will meditate on your precepts and fix my eyes on your ways.

I will delight in your statutes; I will not forget your word.